Tomorrow i leave for my family vacation to visit more family in England. I am personally dreading it. Aside from missing a week of work with only 18 hours of PTO I spend the last 11 hours today in a state of crippling crying depression while getting ready to go on a trip i never wanted to go on. Im only going because it will be my mom's birthday when we're there so its for her. Last time i went to visit was in 2013 and really the experience left me shaken. My grandfather gave me a brief talk about how i was wasting my life because i was fat and didnt have a girlfriend. I then lost over 120 pounds in just over a year and was in top shape. Still failed miserably to get so much as a phone number from anyone. This, combined with his comments lead me to attempt suicide several times through a variety of ways. Crashing into another car, speeding into a electrical pole, throat or wrist slitting, suffocation. Never actually kept on any long enough to do the job but either started or nearly did with the car ones. I dont want to go back there because as much as i do not see any sense in living at all i do not want to have to see them again and go through this experience all over again. I know from the moment they see me to when im back on the plane home again it is going to be just as before. Why am i fat again, what happened, no you cant have dessert, nope no fries etc...Not again.
SO until the 15th i will not be responding to much if anything unless it is an important commission note or something, but hey maybe i will get lucky and the retarded security services in Londistan will let a terrorist blow me up. Here's hoping!